• Nearly all the chronic problems in our teams and organisations exists because of the lack of handling crucial conversations well or not having one
  • The key to real change in any organisation does not lie in the implementation of new process, but in getting people to hold one another accountable to the process, which requires crucial conversation skills
  • The negative feelings we hold in, the emotional pain we suffer and the constant battering we endure as we stumble our way through unhealthy conversations slowly eats away at our health
  • When stakes are high and situation are delicate, never sought to stay silent. Open up and encourage other to share their true feelings and opinions to have meaning for the crucial conversation
  • The first step to achieving results we really want is to fix the problem of believing that others are the source of all our problems.
  • Before having a crucial conversation, stop and pay attention to your motives. Examine what you really want, what you want for others and for the relationship. Ask yourself how you would behave if what you want is really what you wanted out of the conversation. Then conduct yourself accordingly
  • To succeed in crucial conversations, we must really care about the interests of others.
  • When people feel disrespected, they become highly charged. Their emotion turn from fear to anger.
  • We all sin differently, we all have our own weaknesses. Once we realise this, its easier to find a way to respect others.
  • An apology is only an apology if you experience a change in heart
  • Your ability to come up with mutually acceptable options for a mutual purpose, is only limited by your creativity.
  • Emotions don’t settle upon us like a fog. You and only you create the emotions
  • Once the emotion sets on you, you can either act on them or be acted on by them
  • People who excel at dialogue are able to  influence their emotions during crucial conversations.
  • The first step to regaining emotional control in crucial conversations is to challenge the illusion that what you are feeling is the only right emotion under the circumstances
  • If strong emotions do arise during crucial conversations, become self aware of your behavior, and your emotions.
  • Analyse the reason behind this feeling, the story behind this feeling
  • Strive to find the facts of the story behind this feeling
  • Unwrap the rest of the story, the part you had played for such a story and ask yourself what would i do right now to get the desired result which is beneficial to all entities in the conversation.
  • The more you care about an issue, the less likely you are to be on your best behavior
  • Stop trying to win an argument. Its a recipe for failure.
  • Always think about whats best for me, others and everyone involved in the conversation.
  • Have a strong belief, but back off from your harsh and conclusive language. Soften your approach expressing your belief.
  • STATE your path, Share your facts, not the story that bubbled from your feelings. Tell your story. Ask for others to share their fact and story. Talk tentatively by stating your story as a story, not disguising as a fact. Encourage others to state or express their opposing views.
  • If you offend other through a thoughtless act, apologise. If someone misunderstood your intent, you use Contrasting
  • Always start your crucial conversation with an attitude of curiosity and patience
  • Always seek to understand the other persons point of view
  • Respectfully acknowledge other people’s feelings
  • If the other person doesn’t open up, take a best guess about what they would be feeling or thinking

Now, over to you..

I would love to know you what were your key takeaways from this book. Feel free to share in the comments below.